I was thinking about running away the other day. Indulging in the fantasy of ‘leaving it all behind’ and….. well that’s where it gets a bit iffy. What exactly do I think I’ll be off doing? Travelling? Living it up in New York or Sydney? I adored travelling when I was younger, so much that on my return after eleven months away I worked several jobs for a few months and then headed straight back out as soon as I could. But this was nearly 14 years ago: when my life fitted neatly into a backpack, when I was filled with dreams and ideas, when life seemed to stretch out endlessly in front of me. Or perhaps I think I’ll be off to another city? San Francisco is the dream…sunny weekend trips to Sausalito or Napa Valley…cycling around….being arty and creative (no idea how I’m earning money of course, or indeed how I’ve obtained a green card/visa!) just enjoying life. None of the escape scenarios I’ve imagined is a possibility, or any kind of plan, just a way to cope with the drudgery of getting the tube to work on a drizzly Monday morning. These fantasies are a way to block out the noise, the endless list of ‘things to do’ (see earlier post to-do-list ) and my eternal guilt at my lack of action. In reality I have nothing I wish to escape from except normality and growing up. Which explains my incessant introspection and ramblings on here. I must get out more. With my camera.
At what point do you stop being able to ignore what you want from life and actually have to go out and make it happen. At what point do you acknowledge that some things wont turn out as you’d hoped, perhaps you were led astray or perhaps made the wrong decision. What do you do when you realise your attitude and approach to life doesn’t match what’s really happening? If my life motto no longer fits maybe it’s the motto that needs updating and not my life.
Yes, I definitely need to get out more, stop thinking and start clicking!